I do believe the boys from Van Halen said it best...
Nmmmmmm dip dip Mmmmnnnnmm
Bum-ba-deeda-bum-ba-deeda bum-ba-deeda bum-ba-deeda (continued throughout)
Happy trails to you
Until we meet again
Happy trails to you
Keep smilin' until then
Who (Ooh-ooh) cares about the clouds when we're together
Just (Ahh-ahh-ahh) sing a song and think 'bout sunny weather
(two, three)
Happy trails to you
'Til we meet again
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Sunday, June 18, 2006
distressed
Author's note - this is a totally personal entry and is just me venting. Just wanted to write it down, maybe some cathartic remedy in putting it down on paper (electronic paper but you know what I mean).
I recently took a scouting expedition to Lima and found many new and exciting things there. My new home will be an exciting and fun-filled place to live. There is a lot to say about it and I will do so after grad school is done. I got back to my house in Rotterdam (its mine until Thursday) and crashed for the night. My roommate was out with friends and I had the place to myself to watch the US - Italy game.
When I got up this morning, I found out that my roommate was actually out with someone that I had dated during this school year. We started last fall and broke up soon after and then started again at Christmas and lasted for a couple of months. We had a somewhat tumultuous relationship both times we dated that stemming from issues dealing with trust. Needless to say, we weren't the best of couples.
We had known each other for 2 years before we hooked up. We went out with some friends to a local establishment and before I knew it, she was drunk (I was a little tipsy too) and we were becoming more acquainted. Though the communication side of our relationship was lacking, the physical side was just fine. It was the problems in communication that helped with the demise of our relationship - there were quite a few problems but that was the central one.
Since our split, she has been on the prowl for someone new. There was a rumor around school about a one-night stand with the concierge although there was no verification of it. She is known to frequent a few local establishments in search of someone else and last night she was successful in her attempt to fill the void in her life (needing a man). What floors me is that she went out, hooked up with this guy, and brought him back to her house the next morning - all while her teenage daughters were throwing a party in their new house where lots of alcohol was being consumed. The man was surprised to enter her house and find kids still littering the floor at 6am the next day (as I would be as well if it happened to me). *Roommate provided me with this information*
So what's the point of this entry? I have so many emotions coursing through my veins at the moment that its hard to pinpoint just why I am making this entry. I am sad for her because she feels the need to constantly find men for fulfillment in life. I pity her girls for the example that she sets for them because they are starting to follow in her footsteps. But most of all I feel used.
I don't know why I feel this way - it wasn't a long relationship or deeply meaningful for that matter. We went out occasionally, spent time at my place relaxing and having dinner, managed to alleviate some stress in our lives through sex - nothing too dramatic, I've had relationships with a lot more invested in them. But this one is the first where I feel like I was just used as a stand-in for the purpose of having a man. Someone wanted me in their life just for the sole reason of needing to have a penis close at hand for her fulfillment needs. I know it happens all the time to people but like I said in the beginning of this entry, I'm on a rant and this is more for my need to vent than your need to comment. I can honesty say that I have made it through my 35 years (dating for half of those) without ever feeling this manipulated before. I've usually been a good judge of character and never been hurt like this before and when it does happen, I go through the same gambit of emotions just like everyone else does. I don't have a problem with her dating other people, I want her to find happiness (in some shape or form) but what I don't like is how she seeks that happiness. I feel like I was picked up in the same way as these other one-night-stands and that our relationship was just another fling, a way to cure her sexual appetite. Once I was out of the picture, she just starting trolling the bars again, looking for another was to get her fix. Don't get me wrong, I understand the need to get laid once in a while but how she is doing it just makes me feel like I was used. Its not a feeling I am accustomed to and this is my venue to vent those feelings.
In my final days here in Holland, I'll enjoy the scenery and my friends before I leave. I will not miss the single social scene that I've been a part of here. The women I've dated in the last 3 years have all been unique and different and horrendous and selfish and so many other adjectives that I'll not comment on. Let's hope that Peru has something different to offer...
I recently took a scouting expedition to Lima and found many new and exciting things there. My new home will be an exciting and fun-filled place to live. There is a lot to say about it and I will do so after grad school is done. I got back to my house in Rotterdam (its mine until Thursday) and crashed for the night. My roommate was out with friends and I had the place to myself to watch the US - Italy game.
When I got up this morning, I found out that my roommate was actually out with someone that I had dated during this school year. We started last fall and broke up soon after and then started again at Christmas and lasted for a couple of months. We had a somewhat tumultuous relationship both times we dated that stemming from issues dealing with trust. Needless to say, we weren't the best of couples.
We had known each other for 2 years before we hooked up. We went out with some friends to a local establishment and before I knew it, she was drunk (I was a little tipsy too) and we were becoming more acquainted. Though the communication side of our relationship was lacking, the physical side was just fine. It was the problems in communication that helped with the demise of our relationship - there were quite a few problems but that was the central one.
Since our split, she has been on the prowl for someone new. There was a rumor around school about a one-night stand with the concierge although there was no verification of it. She is known to frequent a few local establishments in search of someone else and last night she was successful in her attempt to fill the void in her life (needing a man). What floors me is that she went out, hooked up with this guy, and brought him back to her house the next morning - all while her teenage daughters were throwing a party in their new house where lots of alcohol was being consumed. The man was surprised to enter her house and find kids still littering the floor at 6am the next day (as I would be as well if it happened to me). *Roommate provided me with this information*
So what's the point of this entry? I have so many emotions coursing through my veins at the moment that its hard to pinpoint just why I am making this entry. I am sad for her because she feels the need to constantly find men for fulfillment in life. I pity her girls for the example that she sets for them because they are starting to follow in her footsteps. But most of all I feel used.
I don't know why I feel this way - it wasn't a long relationship or deeply meaningful for that matter. We went out occasionally, spent time at my place relaxing and having dinner, managed to alleviate some stress in our lives through sex - nothing too dramatic, I've had relationships with a lot more invested in them. But this one is the first where I feel like I was just used as a stand-in for the purpose of having a man. Someone wanted me in their life just for the sole reason of needing to have a penis close at hand for her fulfillment needs. I know it happens all the time to people but like I said in the beginning of this entry, I'm on a rant and this is more for my need to vent than your need to comment. I can honesty say that I have made it through my 35 years (dating for half of those) without ever feeling this manipulated before. I've usually been a good judge of character and never been hurt like this before and when it does happen, I go through the same gambit of emotions just like everyone else does. I don't have a problem with her dating other people, I want her to find happiness (in some shape or form) but what I don't like is how she seeks that happiness. I feel like I was picked up in the same way as these other one-night-stands and that our relationship was just another fling, a way to cure her sexual appetite. Once I was out of the picture, she just starting trolling the bars again, looking for another was to get her fix. Don't get me wrong, I understand the need to get laid once in a while but how she is doing it just makes me feel like I was used. Its not a feeling I am accustomed to and this is my venue to vent those feelings.
In my final days here in Holland, I'll enjoy the scenery and my friends before I leave. I will not miss the single social scene that I've been a part of here. The women I've dated in the last 3 years have all been unique and different and horrendous and selfish and so many other adjectives that I'll not comment on. Let's hope that Peru has something different to offer...
Saturday, June 10, 2006
good night and good luck
Well my faithful readers, this is it. This is my final entry from Holland - I am off to terrorize other parts of the world - mainly Peru. So if you hear of any major disturbances on CNN in that region of the globe, you'll understand why.
My time here has been eventful and I am grateful for the opportunity I had to live in the Netherlands. I've learned so many new things and been exposed to a completely new culture and while I can't say that I've loved every minute of it, my experience in Holland has overall been good.
However my professional time here has been wonderful. Three years ago I felt like leaving education and making my way into sales or something like that. Due to a few strategically placed students, that thought has left my mind and my passion for teaching rekindled. Thanks to Weezie and Libero and a whole host of other students at the American International School of Rotterdam for reminding me of why I went into education in the first place (to warp young minds!!!). I am still feeling the sorrow of leaving those amazing students here while I move on to Lima. *I may not be in Rotterdam, but you'll always be in my thoughts.*
So farewell Rotterdam, Zuid-Holland, and Nederland. Its been real, its mostly been fun, so that means that its been mostly real fun. :) Take care of my kids until I come back to see them again...
My time here has been eventful and I am grateful for the opportunity I had to live in the Netherlands. I've learned so many new things and been exposed to a completely new culture and while I can't say that I've loved every minute of it, my experience in Holland has overall been good.
However my professional time here has been wonderful. Three years ago I felt like leaving education and making my way into sales or something like that. Due to a few strategically placed students, that thought has left my mind and my passion for teaching rekindled. Thanks to Weezie and Libero and a whole host of other students at the American International School of Rotterdam for reminding me of why I went into education in the first place (to warp young minds!!!). I am still feeling the sorrow of leaving those amazing students here while I move on to Lima. *I may not be in Rotterdam, but you'll always be in my thoughts.*
So farewell Rotterdam, Zuid-Holland, and Nederland. Its been real, its mostly been fun, so that means that its been mostly real fun. :) Take care of my kids until I come back to see them again...
Thursday, June 08, 2006
tot ziens!
Well, the time has come and my days in Holland have come to an end. Tomorrow is the last day of school and I depart for my new home in South America on Monday. My tenure in Rotterdam has reached its conclusion - guess I'll have to change my tagline. The "Live from the Land of the Flying Dutchmen" will be replaced when I can think of something new - something that reflects my new home in Peru.
The last week has been filled with so much. I sold my motorcycle, packed my life into boxes and luggage for its impending departure to Peru or my storage facility in California, and have starting saying my farewells to my friends at school (both staff and students). Stress levels have been up and down, frazzeling me in every which way that I care to remember.
Luckily for me, I've found a great website to help me distract myself as I pack. Its called Pandora.com and you should give it a try. Its a great way to listen to your style of music while getting a broader perspective of what's in that genre. Personally, I wanted to find some more bands that have a funk feel to them (kinda like Tower of Power) and was happy to have this "radio station" play some new artists for me like Graham Central Station and The Drifters. You can customize your sound depending on your mood and make different "stations" for your different musical tastes. And just perhaps you'll give artists you had already written off a second chance. I never would have thought that I would like Prince without the New Power Generation - but hey, whaddaya know??!!
The last week has been filled with so much. I sold my motorcycle, packed my life into boxes and luggage for its impending departure to Peru or my storage facility in California, and have starting saying my farewells to my friends at school (both staff and students). Stress levels have been up and down, frazzeling me in every which way that I care to remember.
Luckily for me, I've found a great website to help me distract myself as I pack. Its called Pandora.com and you should give it a try. Its a great way to listen to your style of music while getting a broader perspective of what's in that genre. Personally, I wanted to find some more bands that have a funk feel to them (kinda like Tower of Power) and was happy to have this "radio station" play some new artists for me like Graham Central Station and The Drifters. You can customize your sound depending on your mood and make different "stations" for your different musical tastes. And just perhaps you'll give artists you had already written off a second chance. I never would have thought that I would like Prince without the New Power Generation - but hey, whaddaya know??!!
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