poco a poco

"Little by little", a familiar phrase I learned while in Peru and now it is aptly applying to my life again. Originally it was used on me by locals to signify that I was learning Spanish and adjusting to Peruvian culture in small increments, now I use it to describe myself as I readjust to being in my native culture again.

I returned to the States about 6 weeks ago and haven't quite settled back in yet. The first few weeks I was in "teacher summer mode" and didn't get a whole lot done but that was the norm. My usual routine during my vacations was to take off a good portion of time and do absolutely nothing, rest the brain after the ordeal of the school year. At the end of the normal break, I took a couple of short trips to Colorado and Ohio before returning to New Mexico. Colorado had a strange feel to it but I couldn't put my finger on it; Ohio felt just as strange and it was there and then that I realized what I was going through. My brain was starting to wrap itself around the idea that I no longer was going to return to Peru (or any overseas location for that matter) and I needed to adjust to my new surroundings. I didn't have to learn a new place but rather relearn an old place. Driving around NE Ohio was interesting from the perspective that I knew the general structure of the place but I needed to relearn what it was like in a familiar place as things do change slightly.

The idea of driving around in Ohio perfectly reflects how I feel as a person who is repatriating. I know the general structure of the US but its still going to take me some time to get used to the changes that have taken place since I left. While five years isn't a long time and not a lot has transformed about this country, there are still small things that I need to become accustomed to and that will occur, albeit slowly.

When asked by my classmates whom I saw at the reunion in Ohio about the changes that I had noticed, I came up blank. I could feel there was a difference but I just couldn't put my finger on it. Yeah, traffic patterns can be slightly different and money has a weird red tint to it in some cases but when asked about other specifics, I just couldn't nail it down. And maybe it isn't the culture or anything else of the States that has changed that much, maybe its just me. Something tells me that it is more of the latter than the former but then again, I'm not the best of impartial judges.

So I find myself living in a land where I grew up, speaking my native language consistently and listening to accents that are almost the same as mine but still feeling like a stranger. I know that it is just the process of repatriation and all expats comment similarly about feeling the same way but this is my first time doing it as an adult. Why not record it on this blog like my other expat stories? So I have decided to put it down here and use it as a tool for reflection for when I do this again. And yes, I do plan on going overseas again in the future (Africa sounds like a great adventure) and perhaps writing it down this time will make it easier on the next move that involves repatriation. A tool for my use and for others, especially those are going or will go through it.

Getting over culture shock is a gradual process that I will go through, something that will take time. In other words, poco a poco.