I am a comic. I don't get paid for it but my kids will readily tell you that I like to have fun in my class. I love to hear people laugh and even more so if I make them do it. But what I really enjoy is losing myself in a hearty laughter that makes your abs hurt. So when I found this old NPR radio show that I heard a few years ago, I knew I needed to link to it.
Garrison Keillor is well know for his Prarie Home Companion and Lake Wobegon stories but once a year he turns his show over to the annual joke show. Here's a sample of a few of them. Enjoy! (link to the show above)
An old Jew and an old chinaman are walking down the street, when suddenly the Jew turns and hits the chinaman, knocking him to the ground. "Hey, what was that for"?, asks the chinaman. "That was for Pearl Harbor", said the Jew. "That was the Japanese, you idiot. I am Chinese". "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference", said the Jew.
They continue on their way, when suddenly the Chinaman turns and hits the Jew, knocking him to the ground. "Hey, what was that for"?, asks the Jew. "That was for the Titanic", said the Chinaman. "The Titanic!? That was an iceburg, you idiot". The Chinaman replied, "Iceburg, Goldburg, what's the difference".
What is a pirate’s favorite toy store? Toys ARRRRR Us
What is a pirate’s favorite snack? PizzARRRR
What is a pirate’s favorite holiday? ARRRRRbor Day
What is a pirate’s favorite opponent? The ARRRRRmy
What does a retired pirate do? GARRRRRden
What is a pirate’s favorite radio network? N.P.ARRRRR
What is a pirate’s favorite drink? ARRRRRange juice
What does a pirate do on spring break? PARRRRRty
How do pirates settle disputes? ARRRRRbitrate
Who is a pirate’s favorite Greek Goddess? ARRRRRtemis
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
on vacation
What else would you expect in Holland?
I have a friend who is in town (my first visitor in Holland!) and I will be out showing her the sights over the course of this week. Sorry, but that means that I will be devoting my time to being a tourist guide and not updating my blog. Not to worry though, I'll be having a good time nonetheless!! :)
Be back soon, stories to follow.
I have a friend who is in town (my first visitor in Holland!) and I will be out showing her the sights over the course of this week. Sorry, but that means that I will be devoting my time to being a tourist guide and not updating my blog. Not to worry though, I'll be having a good time nonetheless!! :)
Be back soon, stories to follow.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
astronomy pic of the day
Click on 'astronomy pic of the day' for actual picture (and more!).
Like a butterfly, a white dwarf star begins its life by casting off a cocoon that enclosed its former self. In this analogy, however, the Sun would be a caterpillar and the ejected shell of gas would become the prettiest of all! The above cocoon, the planetary nebula designated NGC 2440, contains one of the hottest white dwarf stars known. The white dwarf can be seen as the bright dot near the photo's center. Our Sun will eventually become a "white dwarf butterfly", but not for another 5 billion years.
Like a butterfly, a white dwarf star begins its life by casting off a cocoon that enclosed its former self. In this analogy, however, the Sun would be a caterpillar and the ejected shell of gas would become the prettiest of all! The above cocoon, the planetary nebula designated NGC 2440, contains one of the hottest white dwarf stars known. The white dwarf can be seen as the bright dot near the photo's center. Our Sun will eventually become a "white dwarf butterfly", but not for another 5 billion years.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
gary bettman sucks
Gary Bettman, wrong man for the job.
Does this man look that bright to you? I know that this is a bad picture of him but I believe it says a lot. If you are unfamiliar with who he is, this is Gary Bettman - commish of the (soon-to-be-defunct) NHL. I blame him directly (for correct or incorrect reasons) for the loss of this NHL season.
Gary came up through the ranks of the NBA and he tried to apply those same tactics to the NHL. Two work stoppages in 10 years - that's not so good. Gary has done a lot of damage to the league during his tenure, today being the worst. Today marks the first time that a major professional sport season has been canceled in North America and it comes from his office. This will be the first time since 1919 that the Stanley Cup will not be awarded; then the reason was due to a massive influenza epidemic that disabled both teams. He tried to homogenize a sport that was unique and he has managed to kill it.
Flat out - the death of the NHL could be closer than we think.
Bettman took away all that was unique about the sport and tried to make it the NBA on ice. No wonder it (the league and the sport) are failing. I hate professional basketball - it is the epicenter of where N. American sports should never have gone. Players are more concerned with themselves and their appearance than the team. They are indignant with how they treat the media, ignorant in their speech, and abusive towards those who pay their checks - the fans. In my opinion, the NBA is the bane of professional sports (followed closely by the NFL).
Hockey's divisions used to be named for the founders of the game. Patrick, Smythe, Norris, and Adams. Conference names like the "Prince of Wales" and "Campbell" rang out from the other sports leagues. Now the NHL has been put into the blender and made to look just like everything else. Southeast Division, Eastern Conference. BORING!!! (Like the neutral zone trap)
So Gary Bettman canceled the season today and drove the first nail into the coffin of the NHL. While the sport may hang around for a while, it will never be the same to Americans (it will always be the game for the Canadians). To the owners of NHL teams, I will not feel bad for you and your loss of revenues. You put Gary into his leadership position and now your boy has gone off and done away with ALL of your revenues for an entire season. So eat it.
Dan Wetzel from Yahoo Sports has a similar view as I, read his opinion by clicking on 'gary bettman sucks' above.
Does this man look that bright to you? I know that this is a bad picture of him but I believe it says a lot. If you are unfamiliar with who he is, this is Gary Bettman - commish of the (soon-to-be-defunct) NHL. I blame him directly (for correct or incorrect reasons) for the loss of this NHL season.
Gary came up through the ranks of the NBA and he tried to apply those same tactics to the NHL. Two work stoppages in 10 years - that's not so good. Gary has done a lot of damage to the league during his tenure, today being the worst. Today marks the first time that a major professional sport season has been canceled in North America and it comes from his office. This will be the first time since 1919 that the Stanley Cup will not be awarded; then the reason was due to a massive influenza epidemic that disabled both teams. He tried to homogenize a sport that was unique and he has managed to kill it.
Flat out - the death of the NHL could be closer than we think.
Bettman took away all that was unique about the sport and tried to make it the NBA on ice. No wonder it (the league and the sport) are failing. I hate professional basketball - it is the epicenter of where N. American sports should never have gone. Players are more concerned with themselves and their appearance than the team. They are indignant with how they treat the media, ignorant in their speech, and abusive towards those who pay their checks - the fans. In my opinion, the NBA is the bane of professional sports (followed closely by the NFL).
Hockey's divisions used to be named for the founders of the game. Patrick, Smythe, Norris, and Adams. Conference names like the "Prince of Wales" and "Campbell" rang out from the other sports leagues. Now the NHL has been put into the blender and made to look just like everything else. Southeast Division, Eastern Conference. BORING!!! (Like the neutral zone trap)
So Gary Bettman canceled the season today and drove the first nail into the coffin of the NHL. While the sport may hang around for a while, it will never be the same to Americans (it will always be the game for the Canadians). To the owners of NHL teams, I will not feel bad for you and your loss of revenues. You put Gary into his leadership position and now your boy has gone off and done away with ALL of your revenues for an entire season. So eat it.
Dan Wetzel from Yahoo Sports has a similar view as I, read his opinion by clicking on 'gary bettman sucks' above.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
remembering when
In the immortal words of Forrest Gump, "That's m'boat."
In my life before becoming a teacher, I was a sailor. My students often find it quite amazing that I was a submariner considering my height. Actually, at times so did I. I got many a hard lump on my noggin' from forgetting to duck when walking about in Engine Room Lower Level.
This September will be the 10th anniversary of my honorable discharge from the USN. I look back at my time in the Nav and think about what a horrid time I had. I think of all the rules imposed for no reason, I think of the long working hours with little pay, I think of the cramped living quarters, sometimes not even having my own bed (nothing like hot-racking).
But I am grateful for my experience. I am asked if I would do it again and I answer yes. Being in the Nav taught me a lot about who I am and what I was to become. The military and I were not a perfect fit, not even a close fit. But I did learn some valuable lessons and it made me a better person for it.
Nuke MM3/SS
In my life before becoming a teacher, I was a sailor. My students often find it quite amazing that I was a submariner considering my height. Actually, at times so did I. I got many a hard lump on my noggin' from forgetting to duck when walking about in Engine Room Lower Level.
This September will be the 10th anniversary of my honorable discharge from the USN. I look back at my time in the Nav and think about what a horrid time I had. I think of all the rules imposed for no reason, I think of the long working hours with little pay, I think of the cramped living quarters, sometimes not even having my own bed (nothing like hot-racking).
But I am grateful for my experience. I am asked if I would do it again and I answer yes. Being in the Nav taught me a lot about who I am and what I was to become. The military and I were not a perfect fit, not even a close fit. But I did learn some valuable lessons and it made me a better person for it.
Nuke MM3/SS
Thursday, February 10, 2005
doc the dictator
My previous job in the US was ok. I worked at a small school (1500 kids) in the middle of the Californian desert and the administrators I had were decent - for the first 3 years. In my fourth year, Doc entered my life.
Doc came from Rialto High School where he was an assistant principal and he was moved up to principal at my high school. He came in and made huge changes without consulting any of us who actually lived there. Yup, he didn't even live in my town, he just commuted from Rialto every day (which is a substantial drive). Needless to say, our staff wasn't too thrilled with these changes and there were a few times that Doc did some truly outrageous things that required intervening by the teachers' union.
And I was the vice-president of secondary schools which meant that those grievances came to me.
So I got to go head-to-head with Doc on a rather frequent basis and I can't say that I enjoyed it too much. Nothing like going to work and always having to confront your boss about the stupid shit that he was doing. I was so glad when that year was done because I left Doc behind as I moved to Holland.
Well, Doc left my high school after the following year due to 'personal reasons' - i.e. he fought with the District Office too much. So he went back to where he lived and took a job at Colton High (right next to Rialto) as their principal. He then started making those same changes to Colton as he did to mine and pissed off the staff, just like he did to mine.
The students at Colton High decided to get even with him and bring to light how they didn't approve of his methods and tactics. They had a student walkout to protest Doc and got the media involved. Watch the video that KCAL filmed on it at
http://kcal9.com/topstories/topstoriesla_story_041222847.html
or click on 'doc the dictator' above. I wonder how long he will keep his job after this...
Some people just aren't meant to do certain jobs and I think Doc is definately in the wrong job. Two jobs as a principal and twice he has managed to do the wrong thing. Perhaps a career change is in order. Perhaps.
Doc came from Rialto High School where he was an assistant principal and he was moved up to principal at my high school. He came in and made huge changes without consulting any of us who actually lived there. Yup, he didn't even live in my town, he just commuted from Rialto every day (which is a substantial drive). Needless to say, our staff wasn't too thrilled with these changes and there were a few times that Doc did some truly outrageous things that required intervening by the teachers' union.
And I was the vice-president of secondary schools which meant that those grievances came to me.
So I got to go head-to-head with Doc on a rather frequent basis and I can't say that I enjoyed it too much. Nothing like going to work and always having to confront your boss about the stupid shit that he was doing. I was so glad when that year was done because I left Doc behind as I moved to Holland.
Well, Doc left my high school after the following year due to 'personal reasons' - i.e. he fought with the District Office too much. So he went back to where he lived and took a job at Colton High (right next to Rialto) as their principal. He then started making those same changes to Colton as he did to mine and pissed off the staff, just like he did to mine.
The students at Colton High decided to get even with him and bring to light how they didn't approve of his methods and tactics. They had a student walkout to protest Doc and got the media involved. Watch the video that KCAL filmed on it at
http://kcal9.com/topstories/topstoriesla_story_041222847.html
or click on 'doc the dictator' above. I wonder how long he will keep his job after this...
Some people just aren't meant to do certain jobs and I think Doc is definately in the wrong job. Two jobs as a principal and twice he has managed to do the wrong thing. Perhaps a career change is in order. Perhaps.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
day in history
While thinking of something to put on the blog for the day, I decided to take a look at what happened on this day in history. Not much as far as I can tell. Apollo 14 splashed down (1971), Senator McCarthy claims that 205 communists are employed by the State Department (1950), volleyball is invented in Massachusetts (1895), and many many more.
But, the largest accomplishment of February 9th must be...
Queen Beatrix opened the Rotterdam Metro (1968).
Many thanks to Queen B for her role in opening up the rail lines that took me to get a much needed haircut yesterday. I dunno what I would have done without ya.
But, the largest accomplishment of February 9th must be...
Queen Beatrix opened the Rotterdam Metro (1968).
Many thanks to Queen B for her role in opening up the rail lines that took me to get a much needed haircut yesterday. I dunno what I would have done without ya.
Monday, February 07, 2005
a rant about dubya
I arrived at school this morning and did the usual check of news from the homeland, only to be disappointed in the headline of the day on My Yahoo!
"Bush Proposes Big Cuts to Rein in Deficit" (click on 'a rant about dubya' above to read the story)
This man never ceases to amaze me. What also gets me is that slightly more than half of America thinks he's a pretty decent guy and re-elected him to the top spot. Could Kerry have done any better? i dunno.
What I read in this story saddened and infuriated me. Bush wants to make cuts in a budget that he caused to be higher. Correct me if I am wrong, but didn't he just ask for more money from Congress for whatever reason? Now he wants to cut the budget in areas to 'show Wall Street and fiscal conservatives that he is serious about tackling deficits'. Where does he want to cut? Check out this short list of people who are getting shafted:
Dep't of Housing and Urban Development - a cut of 11.5% of their total budget. Yup, you read it right. Bush wants to cut over 10% of the budget for an entire department. What does this department do? Umm, they try to do silly things like provide houses for the poor and make cities a more tolerable place to live.
Medicaid - a cut of $45 billion. In a country where there are millions who don't have health insurance, Bush now wants to cut a program that was designed to help those people who have jobs (and pay taxes) but can't quite afford the luxury of being able to go to the doctor. If you get sick, you better get another mortgage for your house to pay for the doctor's bills.
Amtrack - total abolishing of all subsidies. That's right, start filling the Bush pocketbook now with your cash because relatively clean mass transportation will soon be a thing of the past. We all know that Bush was and still is in the oil industry. What a better way to up the profits than to remove a source of competition. Amtrack has a hard enough time making money while trying to ease the burden on the roads and now all that money is gone. I can't imagine what would happen here if a European government were to get rid of their subsidies for railways.
Farm Aid - reduced by 3%. Here's a great idea! Let's cut money to the people that feed us! Brilliant! Perhaps then we can start drinking the oil that has made us rich... Farmers have enough trouble putting food on the table and paying the bills, now this moron wants to cut the money even more?
But hey, there are some government agencies that will be getting a raise. Oh, how I rejoice to know that these programs will be getting more money:
Homeland Security - 7% increase. An agency that didn't exist 4 years ago, their budget is already over $34.5 billion (that's before the 7% increase). While I agree that the US is in need of protection from terrorist attacks, what will giving them more money do? Basically, it puts more people in airports making sure that your shoes are x-rayed and your belt buckle is beeped at by a metal detector at least 3 times before you get on an airplane. My hat is off to Osama, he has made this country truly paranoid and GW is glad to pump money into it.
Pentagon - 5% increase (moving up over $420 billion). You've gotta put money into the troops and let's hope that this money is ear-marked for a specific purpose or who knows where it will go. $250 hammers? $1,000 toilet seats? I just pray that the military gets to spend this money and not the politicans. Pay the troops, they're dying for ya.
Iraq and Afghanistan - while Bush hasn't come out with new numbers on this yet, it is expected that he will be asking for another $81 billion for these wonderful campaigns (or should I call it them the 'Crusades of the New Millenium'). This money is separate from the Pentagon money so if you look at the money allocated to the military for the new budget, it looks like an increase of over $102 billion. Yeah, the poor don't need new houses...
So Bush is wanting to change the budget to prove that he is fiscally responsible. Please don't forget that GW came into office with a budget surplus and now has a deficit, a hole is getting deeper and deeper. Yet we hear of tax cuts that benefit the rich, programs that will pump more pollution into the air (cut emission standards), and destroy our natural resources (drilling for oil in Alaska state parks). If George Bush isn't the most destructive president in US history, then who is?
"Bush Proposes Big Cuts to Rein in Deficit" (click on 'a rant about dubya' above to read the story)
This man never ceases to amaze me. What also gets me is that slightly more than half of America thinks he's a pretty decent guy and re-elected him to the top spot. Could Kerry have done any better? i dunno.
What I read in this story saddened and infuriated me. Bush wants to make cuts in a budget that he caused to be higher. Correct me if I am wrong, but didn't he just ask for more money from Congress for whatever reason? Now he wants to cut the budget in areas to 'show Wall Street and fiscal conservatives that he is serious about tackling deficits'. Where does he want to cut? Check out this short list of people who are getting shafted:
Dep't of Housing and Urban Development - a cut of 11.5% of their total budget. Yup, you read it right. Bush wants to cut over 10% of the budget for an entire department. What does this department do? Umm, they try to do silly things like provide houses for the poor and make cities a more tolerable place to live.
Medicaid - a cut of $45 billion. In a country where there are millions who don't have health insurance, Bush now wants to cut a program that was designed to help those people who have jobs (and pay taxes) but can't quite afford the luxury of being able to go to the doctor. If you get sick, you better get another mortgage for your house to pay for the doctor's bills.
Amtrack - total abolishing of all subsidies. That's right, start filling the Bush pocketbook now with your cash because relatively clean mass transportation will soon be a thing of the past. We all know that Bush was and still is in the oil industry. What a better way to up the profits than to remove a source of competition. Amtrack has a hard enough time making money while trying to ease the burden on the roads and now all that money is gone. I can't imagine what would happen here if a European government were to get rid of their subsidies for railways.
Farm Aid - reduced by 3%. Here's a great idea! Let's cut money to the people that feed us! Brilliant! Perhaps then we can start drinking the oil that has made us rich... Farmers have enough trouble putting food on the table and paying the bills, now this moron wants to cut the money even more?
But hey, there are some government agencies that will be getting a raise. Oh, how I rejoice to know that these programs will be getting more money:
Homeland Security - 7% increase. An agency that didn't exist 4 years ago, their budget is already over $34.5 billion (that's before the 7% increase). While I agree that the US is in need of protection from terrorist attacks, what will giving them more money do? Basically, it puts more people in airports making sure that your shoes are x-rayed and your belt buckle is beeped at by a metal detector at least 3 times before you get on an airplane. My hat is off to Osama, he has made this country truly paranoid and GW is glad to pump money into it.
Pentagon - 5% increase (moving up over $420 billion). You've gotta put money into the troops and let's hope that this money is ear-marked for a specific purpose or who knows where it will go. $250 hammers? $1,000 toilet seats? I just pray that the military gets to spend this money and not the politicans. Pay the troops, they're dying for ya.
Iraq and Afghanistan - while Bush hasn't come out with new numbers on this yet, it is expected that he will be asking for another $81 billion for these wonderful campaigns (or should I call it them the 'Crusades of the New Millenium'). This money is separate from the Pentagon money so if you look at the money allocated to the military for the new budget, it looks like an increase of over $102 billion. Yeah, the poor don't need new houses...
So Bush is wanting to change the budget to prove that he is fiscally responsible. Please don't forget that GW came into office with a budget surplus and now has a deficit, a hole is getting deeper and deeper. Yet we hear of tax cuts that benefit the rich, programs that will pump more pollution into the air (cut emission standards), and destroy our natural resources (drilling for oil in Alaska state parks). If George Bush isn't the most destructive president in US history, then who is?
Saturday, February 05, 2005
boss! da sun! da sun!
Herve Villachez, your spirit lives on...
Actually, its because of the large glowing yellow/orange sphere that I see beaming its rays down upon my neighborhood. Ahh, I do miss the sun. While living in the desert I took it for granted. But living in Holland has made me realize just how wonderful it is to see the sun.
I kid you not, the sun disappears from this country from October to March. That's 6 months for those of you counting at home. The rain clouds move in about the same time as our Fall Break and don't leave until Spring Break. Its amazing how accustomed you can become to a gray linoleum sky - flat with no texture.
Interesting note from this time last year. For the first two months of 2004, it was sunny one day a week here in Rotterdam - every Sunday (go figure).
But I am going out to rejoice in the sun although the temp is sitting at a balmy 2 degrees (that's 36 for all you Fahrenheit people!). Time to bust out those sunglasses...
Actually, its because of the large glowing yellow/orange sphere that I see beaming its rays down upon my neighborhood. Ahh, I do miss the sun. While living in the desert I took it for granted. But living in Holland has made me realize just how wonderful it is to see the sun.
I kid you not, the sun disappears from this country from October to March. That's 6 months for those of you counting at home. The rain clouds move in about the same time as our Fall Break and don't leave until Spring Break. Its amazing how accustomed you can become to a gray linoleum sky - flat with no texture.
Interesting note from this time last year. For the first two months of 2004, it was sunny one day a week here in Rotterdam - every Sunday (go figure).
But I am going out to rejoice in the sun although the temp is sitting at a balmy 2 degrees (that's 36 for all you Fahrenheit people!). Time to bust out those sunglasses...
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