So in my post from yesterday, I told the story of a colleague who didn't read the article that we were given at the beginning of the year. I found it and I am putting it up for teachers all around to read. With thanks to the author, here it is - part II of the advice from Dr. Chip Barder, director of the American School of Warsaw (Poland).
1. Ask your spouse to be the one who deals with the school issues.
2. Handle things in a way that you would want the parents of your students to handle things with you.
3. Have the child handle as much of the interaction as possible.
4. Keep the focus on the issues - "Here is what I hear at home. Help me with your side."
5. Be sure to catch the teacher being good. There is nothing wrong with building a positive relationship with him/her as soon as possible.
6. Engage a third party, e.g. counselor, friends, to listen to you and check your thinking. It is human nature to become, at times, emotional when your own child is involved. A third party can help sort the emotions from the fact and can assist in selecting a problem-solving path.
7. A third party could also facilitate a three way conference. In this case, it is important that the party is mutually acceptable.
8. A tendency on the part of the parent who is also a teacher is to be overly judgmental and critical, especially if the style or philosophy of the child's teacher is different from their own. Keep an open mind and look for some positive things the child is learning.
9. Remember that you are a parent first and foremost - your child needs you to be an ally.
10. Some simple do's and dont's:
DO be sure to separate your role as a parent from your role as a faculty member when dealing with your child's peer group.
DO be ready to listen and help your child sort out issues that may come up when they are treated badly by other students because they are a "teacher's kid."
DO try to make sure that they have the same advantages and disadvantages that other students have.
DON'T talk about sensitive school issues at home.
DON'T bring your child into the faculty by bringing them to faculty events, into the faculty lounge, or allow to call teachers by their first name.
DON'T rescue your child when they forget their lunch money, homework, etc. The transition when you are not around will be that much harder.
Friday, October 28, 2005
teaching your colleagues' children
Ever been curious about how to handle those kids in your class who have parents on your campus? Here is a helpful article that we were given here at school. With thanks to Dr. Chip Barder, director of the American School of Warsaw (Poland), here it is.
1. When a potential problem arises, ask yourself: "How would I handle this situation with another student?" Let your answer be a guide to your action with your colleague's child.
2. Maintain the same expectations for the parent/colleague and child that you would have for other parents and their children. Don't assume that they will be better or worse than others.
3. When dealing with the parent/colleague about the child, keep the contact professional and respectful. Don't chat in the hallways or in the teacher's lounge, but set up a formal time and place to discuss the child. Schedule colleagues in during parent conferences as you would any parent.
4. Meeting at the beginning of the school year with the parent/colleague and agree on a method if communication, e.g. onthe phone, deal with only the spouse of the teacher, etc.
5. Confront the problem early. Avoidance is a common reaction in these cases.
6. In you anticipate a problem, call in a third party to help keep the discussion on task.
7. As with any situation of this nature, make sure to document things so that the focus is on the problem and not on the relationship.
8. Be sure to give the student a sense of privacy about his/her life outside of school. In dealing with your colleague's child, be cautious in making reference to a parent who happens to be a faculty member, especially in front of other students.
9. It may be important to take into account the nature of the relationship between the parent and the child. Consult with the counselor, the principal or someone who knows something about the relationship outside the school.
10. It takes honesty with some sensitivity to solve most problems. Try to tune in to what makes sense.
1. When a potential problem arises, ask yourself: "How would I handle this situation with another student?" Let your answer be a guide to your action with your colleague's child.
2. Maintain the same expectations for the parent/colleague and child that you would have for other parents and their children. Don't assume that they will be better or worse than others.
3. When dealing with the parent/colleague about the child, keep the contact professional and respectful. Don't chat in the hallways or in the teacher's lounge, but set up a formal time and place to discuss the child. Schedule colleagues in during parent conferences as you would any parent.
4. Meeting at the beginning of the school year with the parent/colleague and agree on a method if communication, e.g. onthe phone, deal with only the spouse of the teacher, etc.
5. Confront the problem early. Avoidance is a common reaction in these cases.
6. In you anticipate a problem, call in a third party to help keep the discussion on task.
7. As with any situation of this nature, make sure to document things so that the focus is on the problem and not on the relationship.
8. Be sure to give the student a sense of privacy about his/her life outside of school. In dealing with your colleague's child, be cautious in making reference to a parent who happens to be a faculty member, especially in front of other students.
9. It may be important to take into account the nature of the relationship between the parent and the child. Consult with the counselor, the principal or someone who knows something about the relationship outside the school.
10. It takes honesty with some sensitivity to solve most problems. Try to tune in to what makes sense.
teaching the kids of teachers
Shortly after I posted yesterday's comments, I was visited by one of my colleagues for her parent-teacher conference. Since she was unavailable to meet with me because of her own conferences, a quick stop by my room around 6pm resulted in her conference.
First off, it wasn't the best of timing. I was in the process of packing up to leave and she assumed that just because I was in my room that I was available for a conference. Make an appointment please! Whatever, I didn't think it was going to take that long so I sat down with her and started the conference.
It all started out fine - she asked me if he was improving (since I called him a slug on his progress report) and after I finished my first few sentences, it all went to hell. I have never said so little in a parent-teacher conference. She proceeded to make excuses ranging from mono to depression, venting anger about how she has to hide the computer and the phone because of what he does after they go to bed, and finally how her son was being persecuted by the other members of his class for an incident that happened during a school trip (which of course he didn't do...).
????????? WTF ?????????????
I sat there patiently and listened to what she had to say, being the ear that she evidently needed to vent upon, and then asked her if she had any other questions. She politely said no and that was the conference. I kid you not, that was it. I'm still flabergasted on how little I got to say but hey, if it makes her feel better and she thinks it was productive - my job here is done.
We got an article at the beginning of the year about this exact topic. One side of the paper was how to act as a parent if you are a teacher in the same school while the other side was how to treat colleagues if their children are in your class. Maybe she forgot to read the first side...
First off, it wasn't the best of timing. I was in the process of packing up to leave and she assumed that just because I was in my room that I was available for a conference. Make an appointment please! Whatever, I didn't think it was going to take that long so I sat down with her and started the conference.
It all started out fine - she asked me if he was improving (since I called him a slug on his progress report) and after I finished my first few sentences, it all went to hell. I have never said so little in a parent-teacher conference. She proceeded to make excuses ranging from mono to depression, venting anger about how she has to hide the computer and the phone because of what he does after they go to bed, and finally how her son was being persecuted by the other members of his class for an incident that happened during a school trip (which of course he didn't do...).
????????? WTF ?????????????
I sat there patiently and listened to what she had to say, being the ear that she evidently needed to vent upon, and then asked her if she had any other questions. She politely said no and that was the conference. I kid you not, that was it. I'm still flabergasted on how little I got to say but hey, if it makes her feel better and she thinks it was productive - my job here is done.
We got an article at the beginning of the year about this exact topic. One side of the paper was how to act as a parent if you are a teacher in the same school while the other side was how to treat colleagues if their children are in your class. Maybe she forgot to read the first side...
Thursday, October 27, 2005
favorite time of year?
Well, its that time of year again. Last week I was getting ready to head into work when I went out to the shed to get my bike for the morning ritual of riding the 4.7 km to school. As I stepped outside I came to realize that my favorite time of year had arrived (*note sarcasm*) by the fact that it was pouring rain, about 6 degrees, windy, and dark. It hit me that it was officially the beginning of 'crappy' season here in Holland.
What is 'crappy' season? Its the time of year when people wonder why in the heck they live in the Netherlands. Its cold, wet, and gray for the better part of late October through early March. Not to mention that its dark for an un-godly amount of time which compounds the aforementioned weather situation. Its the time of year when you wonder how people who are affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) could ever survive in a climate like this. All in all, it makes you question your sanity as to why you left the desert of southern California where its only cloudy for 30 days a year for a place where it can be rainy and cloudy for months on end. That's 'crappy' season and it appears to have moved into Holland.
Alas, I will survive and perhaps I'll learn something valuable when I go to look for a job in a few months. Maybe I'll pick a place that is a little more warm and sunny (kinda like the Middle East...) but yet not too much of a political hot spot (kinda NOT like the Middle East...). Keep ya updated on if I chose wisely or not.
Such is life for me, the Expat Nomad...
What is 'crappy' season? Its the time of year when people wonder why in the heck they live in the Netherlands. Its cold, wet, and gray for the better part of late October through early March. Not to mention that its dark for an un-godly amount of time which compounds the aforementioned weather situation. Its the time of year when you wonder how people who are affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) could ever survive in a climate like this. All in all, it makes you question your sanity as to why you left the desert of southern California where its only cloudy for 30 days a year for a place where it can be rainy and cloudy for months on end. That's 'crappy' season and it appears to have moved into Holland.
Alas, I will survive and perhaps I'll learn something valuable when I go to look for a job in a few months. Maybe I'll pick a place that is a little more warm and sunny (kinda like the Middle East...) but yet not too much of a political hot spot (kinda NOT like the Middle East...). Keep ya updated on if I chose wisely or not.
Such is life for me, the Expat Nomad...
Monday, October 17, 2005
back from break
Well, the joys of working in an international school are told in many ways but one of them is the fact that my current school has an October break. Somewhere in the vecinity of 9 weeks after the school year starts (end of the 1st Quarter) we get a week off! How sweet! It is the perfect way to keep teachers fresh and prevents many a 'mental health day' that I know we all take. In the three years that I have been teaching in Holland, I have yet to take a mental health day simply because I don't need it. A week off every 6-9 weeks helps to keep the batteries charged.
What did I do with my time? I went traveling! :) I was fortunate enough to get an invite from the Prague crew whom I met while in Plymouth doing my masters work and didn't pass up on this opportunity. As noted from my last entry, this is my last year and I'm taking advantage of the chances that I get to see more sights of Europe while I still can. I don't know when I'll be back.
And Prague is a wonderful city. Lotsa tourists but you have to expect that when you are visiting "the Paris of Eastern Europe". Amazingly cheap as well! I know that its expensive compared to other places I could go visit but I'm not disappointed with paying 50 euro cents for a bucket o' beer! With nice crystal at excellent prices, I had a wonderful time being there and buying Christmas presents for a little amount of cash. As a frugal teacher, I appreciate how far my paycheck goes when in other countries.
Now I'm back to school and life is back to normal. Last night was the start of our hockey season and it was good to get back out onto the ice. I was greeted with a slapshot to the 'nether regions' and while it tingled, no damage. Thanks Chet, I only wish you had that kinda accuracy when we played other teams...
My volleyball team is in the final stretch of its season and our tournament is coming up in a few weeks; I hope the girls perform up to their potential. The Sharks are always considered to be the push-over team of our league and I'm tired of the way other coaches treat our teams because we are such a small school. We play everyone who wants to play, not just the gifted few. I'm glad that my team (and all the other teams as well) works that way, sports should be fun and for all. Competitiveness is good but not at the expense of excluding others because they don't have the skills it takes to be a top-notch player. Something is to be said for a team that you can't pick an MVP for because they work as a team and not 6 individuals and I have that team. Am I proud of my girls? Absolutely. They are my warriors and I wouldn't trade my team for any other bunch out there. For better of for worse, this is the hand that I have been dealt and I'm glad to have the jokers in this deck of cards - kinda like their coach...
What did I do with my time? I went traveling! :) I was fortunate enough to get an invite from the Prague crew whom I met while in Plymouth doing my masters work and didn't pass up on this opportunity. As noted from my last entry, this is my last year and I'm taking advantage of the chances that I get to see more sights of Europe while I still can. I don't know when I'll be back.
And Prague is a wonderful city. Lotsa tourists but you have to expect that when you are visiting "the Paris of Eastern Europe". Amazingly cheap as well! I know that its expensive compared to other places I could go visit but I'm not disappointed with paying 50 euro cents for a bucket o' beer! With nice crystal at excellent prices, I had a wonderful time being there and buying Christmas presents for a little amount of cash. As a frugal teacher, I appreciate how far my paycheck goes when in other countries.
Now I'm back to school and life is back to normal. Last night was the start of our hockey season and it was good to get back out onto the ice. I was greeted with a slapshot to the 'nether regions' and while it tingled, no damage. Thanks Chet, I only wish you had that kinda accuracy when we played other teams...
My volleyball team is in the final stretch of its season and our tournament is coming up in a few weeks; I hope the girls perform up to their potential. The Sharks are always considered to be the push-over team of our league and I'm tired of the way other coaches treat our teams because we are such a small school. We play everyone who wants to play, not just the gifted few. I'm glad that my team (and all the other teams as well) works that way, sports should be fun and for all. Competitiveness is good but not at the expense of excluding others because they don't have the skills it takes to be a top-notch player. Something is to be said for a team that you can't pick an MVP for because they work as a team and not 6 individuals and I have that team. Am I proud of my girls? Absolutely. They are my warriors and I wouldn't trade my team for any other bunch out there. For better of for worse, this is the hand that I have been dealt and I'm glad to have the jokers in this deck of cards - kinda like their coach...
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
checking out
Well, it somewhat hit me today as I was writing to a friend of mine back in California. I was telling her of what was going on in my life here in R'dam and it made me realize that most of what I am doing here I am doing for the last time. I'm already making plans for selling the motorcycle and all the contents of the house, thinking of what country will be next, and so on. I even thought of what it was going to be like on my last day in the Netherlands - leaving R'dam and taking the train to Schipol, boarding the plane and not knowing if I am ever coming back.
I've had a good couple of years here in Holland. I haven't done everything that I wanted to but then again, you never do. As this school year continues, I am making mental notes about what this experience has been all about. I think of all the good and the bad things that have happened to me and all that I have been able to do. The interesting people that I have met and the friends that I will miss once I leave.
But that's my nature - hence the nickname. I've been moving since the age of 5 and while there is a part of me that feels a desire to find a place to call home and settle down, I wonder if that will ever truly happen. Lord help my children if they adopt this lifestyle as well - they'll have an even more difficult time answering the hardest question.* Whatever comes my way with my next job, I will remember Holland fondly as my first grown-up expat job and all that came with this move.
I've come to terms with my decision to leave Holland and currently have no regrets with that decision. I'll be leaving behind some great people and some amazing students but I know that the next place will have the same attractions that this adventure did. When I left California some thought I was leaving for greener pastures. Perhaps those same people will think that I am leaving Holland looking for even greener pastures. Not to worry, with all the rain that this country gets, there aren't greener pastures than here and I have the pictures to prove it!
Hup Holland!
* see my profile
I've had a good couple of years here in Holland. I haven't done everything that I wanted to but then again, you never do. As this school year continues, I am making mental notes about what this experience has been all about. I think of all the good and the bad things that have happened to me and all that I have been able to do. The interesting people that I have met and the friends that I will miss once I leave.
But that's my nature - hence the nickname. I've been moving since the age of 5 and while there is a part of me that feels a desire to find a place to call home and settle down, I wonder if that will ever truly happen. Lord help my children if they adopt this lifestyle as well - they'll have an even more difficult time answering the hardest question.* Whatever comes my way with my next job, I will remember Holland fondly as my first grown-up expat job and all that came with this move.
I've come to terms with my decision to leave Holland and currently have no regrets with that decision. I'll be leaving behind some great people and some amazing students but I know that the next place will have the same attractions that this adventure did. When I left California some thought I was leaving for greener pastures. Perhaps those same people will think that I am leaving Holland looking for even greener pastures. Not to worry, with all the rain that this country gets, there aren't greener pastures than here and I have the pictures to prove it!
Hup Holland!
* see my profile
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