Well, it had to happen sooner or later. I had to reveal the fact that I had read a student's blog to them. It was just one of those situations.
I've got a great volleyball team this year and there are some special ladies on this squad. A new student to the school this year, libero made the varsity in her first year. I call her that because it is her position and despite what she says, I know that she enjoys having that as a nickname. Even on the stat sheet, that's her name. In any case, she has concerned me over the course of the year based on how she holds herself. I could tell there was something wrong.
So when given the chance to read her blog, I took the opportunity. There was some of the typical stuff on there about what it means to be a teenage girl but there was also something that had an edge to it. References to being EXTREMELY unhappy, not having any friends, and thinking of thoughts that she had before she moved here. This is not stuff that any teacher likes to read and I had to do something about it.
I called libero into my room and we had a chat. I wish that I could have just let it slide and be anonymous but I couldn't do that. She wasn't putting it out there for others to hear physically but she is screaming for help. Any kid who puts their thoughts down on an open forum like that wants to have someone step in and tell them the things that they know are true but need to hear anyways. "You are special." "You mean a lot to us." "Depression happens and there are ways people can help."
She seemed ok with the conversation and understood where I was coming from. She revealed a little about herself and what happened in that previous place and I was glad that she opened up to me. I gave her the reassurance that she could always talk to me but then again, I am her teacher and coach, and grown-ups aren't usually the ones that they want to talk to.
I went back to her blog afterwards to see if she had written about it and found the site shut down, erased. Seems as though I hit a nerve. I didn't tell anyone else at school about our conversation (teachers - I can hear you screaming from here that I have to tell the counselor. I ain't doing that unless she stays in her funk.) and I'm gonna give her some space. If there's one absolute that I remember from being a teenager is that privacy and space to find who they are is paramount. So I'm not going to involve anyone because as soon as I do, the whole school will know and I'm not gonna do THAT to her.
So I feel a little guilty about being a lurker but I feel like I did what I needed to do. She's retreated into a shell a little (at least no blogging) but I have the inkling of an idea that she just may open up to me again sometime in the future. Time will tell...
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3 comments:
There was a time last year that I, too, lurked in student blogs. One student gave me her blog address, and that, in turn, lead me to the school blogring on xanga.
For a month, I was so depressed, caught up in the teenage angst of many of my students. I learned more (way, way more!) than I wanted to.
Since then, I haven’t touched a student blog. And here’s why:
1. Read this post entitled “DON'T EVER READ YOUR STUDENTS' PERSONAL BLOGS!!!” over at hipteacher. http://hipteacher.typepad.com/schoolblog/2005/03/ethical_decisio.html
Her follow-up post is good, too.
2. Teens have two audiences for their personal blogs: themselves and peers. Teens, in general, do not think that adults are reading their blogs. Teens view their blogs as personal, online journals where they can express their innermost thoughts and also share their opinions. They often do not take into account that anyone in the world who has internet access can read their blogs. I’m not so sure that I agree with the summation that “Any kid who puts their thoughts down on an open forum like that wants to have someone step in and tell them the things that they know are true but need to hear anyways.” Perhaps, telling libero "You are special" "You mean a lot to us" "Depression happens and there are ways people can help" could have been said to her without revealing that her blog had been read.
3. I’m an English teacher who requires students to write reflective journals, responding to literature and in-class discussions. Each year, I start out by telling students that in addition to the required entries, they may write whatever they like, and I will respond. Unless the entries show that they are showing signs of harm to themselves or others, they are confidential.
I was teaching in the States the year after the Columbine incident. One of my troubled students wrote a disturbing March entry that read, “Something bad, like Columbine, is going to happen at this school on April 20th (Hitler’s birthday.) Students better be careful.” He also had included violent graphics, and made other general, disturbing threats. For three days, I couldn’t sleep over what to do. Was he joking? This kid was highly creative and imaginative- a true artist. I wasn’t sure whether to take it seriously. Should I share this journal with administration? Would this student hate me for breaking an honored code, and never trust me again? (I really liked this kid. He didn’t fit in, and I imagined him to one day be a great writer. He was failing every class but English and art.) I finally decided to take the journal entry to the school counselor.
All’s well that ends well, because the student in the end thanked me for my concern. He WANTED me to read the entry, and he WANTED to talk to someone about his feelings of alienation and loneliness. Nothing bad was being planned for April 20. He was simply crying for attention.
The difference between reading student blogs and reading class journal entries (that students know you are going to read) is the intended audience. Students don’t know that adults are reading their blogs! Their audience is themselves (archived reflections, memoir) and other teens.
4. If you are a caring teacher (and I know you are, Expat), it’s emotionally too hard to read about the pain and angst that our kids are experiencing. It’s like being a parent to 70 children whose open diaries are left on the bed. I’m not emotionally equipped to handle it all. If you are, more power to ya.
5. Lurking is tantalizing (teachers who lurk on student blogs are much more in touch with the heartbeat of the student body), but we need to watch our motivation. There’s a touch of voyeurism that is enticing. It pulls you in, and pretty soon you can’t wait to get out.
Really.
I got out a year ago and never went back. Some might say that’s uncaring. I call it survival. I can’t wade in the emotional waters of teens, long term. It hurts too much.
My advice, for what it’s worth: get out.
Forget reading student blogs.
Keep your eyes open in the classroom. An experienced, observant teacher like yourself has the skills to see troubled behavior without reading personal diaries that, in the end, students do not want teachers to read.
wow, teaching in the age of the blog. What difficult ethical decisions! I am suddenly happy I am but a humble network admin; my ethical decisions at work usually deal with users surfing pr0n, and those users are all adults, and the policies are clear and communicated in advance.
I think/feel Shamash is right here; don't do it. The fact that your girls site is gone is a pretty good indicator. While I agree that the content is on the internet for all to see, I also know that many many people do not see the condequences of that. (and that angsty teenagers will generally bitch and moan and write things like 'life is unbearable, I am SO depressed etc. browse LiveJournal for a day and you will see exactly that) I don't know about Xanga, but both Blogger and LiveJournal allow ppl to mark posts or indeeed their entire blog as private/friends only. Give the kids a primer in maintaining online privacy, and discuss the possible consequences of leaving blogs open for all to read.
Shamash, thanks for the hipteacher link, also an interesting read, with some comments that were quite scary in their black-and-white outlook.
While I agree with you both, a strange turn of events has transpired.
She opened up a new xanga blog and then proceeded to write me a comment using this new account name. Either she is clueless and doesn't know that it links to her or she wants me to know her new xanga site.
I think I'll be taking your advice and not following the link. Time to step away and let the girl have her peace.
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